You know what’s a horrifying game? Go calculate how much you’ve spent on contraception over the years: the pill, IUDs, sponges, foam, all of it. Take that amount, and then see how many shares of the S&P 500 you could have bought around the time you started being sexually active, rather than spend it on contraception. You will be even more pissed.

As for Bernie and Joe’s websites, I checked them relatively fast for this piece, and so part of me hopes I’m wrong about them. But I’m pretty sure I’m right. I didn’t have a chance to check Pete’s. May go do that now for kicks…