The tweet actually said, in full:

Why is it that the sound of a guy snoring next to me makes me want to stab him in the neck, but the sound of my dog snoring (just as loud) is the best sound on earth?

There must be a scientific answer.

In the tweet, the phrase "stab him in the neck" is a hyperbole, a literary tool to drive home the difference between my annoyance at the snoring man (yes, probably a lover, but who can keep track?) and my love for my dog, and all dogs really. I don't actually, literally want to stab a man in the neck. Too messy, too gross. And you will be relieved to know that particular man lived to see another day.

As for your other point about the "need" to get married, I think you misread the pieces I've written on that subject. One was about the fact that my life looks wrong because of not being married, and that I miss having a witness to my life, and that there is a sadness there, but it doesn't really articulate a current need. Way too much ink has been spilled on that subject for me to tackle it in that way. The other piece, regarding being conditioned from an early age to want to get married is exactly that: a meditation on the conditioning to want something for no real reason.

Coming full circle, all my married friends actually do want to stab their husbands in the neck. Most of these guys are one open cupboard door, one uncapped toothpaste away from certain death.

Federal attorney, writing thought crimes on Medium. To connect: Adeline.Dimond@gmail.com

Federal attorney, writing thought crimes on Medium. To connect: Adeline.Dimond@gmail.com