The Dating Profile I Really Want to Write

I’m weird.

Photo by Sergey Zolkin on Unsplash

Below is the dating profile I want to write.

My dog Fish will not like you. And he sleeps on the bed. This is a non-negotiable. I don’t care if this means you can never sleep over. I don’t actually want you to sleep over, because I don’t want you to comment on my snoring. Because guess what? You snore too. All of you. All men snore. It’s time…