Oysters Are Delicious and Other Lies We Blindly Accept

Lies make the world go ‘round, but some are unnecessary.

Adeline Dimond


Photo by Edrece Stansberry on Unsplash

I often wonder if we are all just faking it. No, I take that back. I know we are all faking it. When I used to go into the office depressed, I faked not being in a dark spiral by acting “professional,” — whatever that means. For me it meant lipstick, heels, and trying my best not to cry out of frustration. I usually hit two out of three.

I’m all for lies like this; I’m all for lying to each other so we can throw off the covers and climb out of bed every morning. I’m a cheerleader for so many collective lies, I’ve lost count. I love the lie that we have a shot at finding our soulmate in middle age, or the lie that if we eat right and exercise we can stave off an early death (ask the people who just got taken out by tornadoes about this).

I’m all for the lie that women love giving blow jobs; the lie that side-hustles can truly change your life; the lie that motherhood is the most important job in the world; the lie that there is such thing as a “water landing;” the lie that there are people in charge who know what they’re doing. These are the lies that make it all work, that ensure the continuation of the human race; hats off to the people who set them in motion and keep them going. If I didn’t believe and perpetuate them myself, I wouldn’t be sitting upright in a chair right now tap-tap-tapping away.

But what about the lies that we tell ourselves that have no discernable purpose? Why do we do that? That oysters are delicious is one such lie. They are not, and yet we pretend that they are. Worse, we pretend they are a luxury. But something that tastes like the ocean and feels like snot is not a luxury and is not delicious, and we all know that.

If you believe that you like oysters, it’s not your fault. You’ve just received an onslaught of external messaging about them that has colored your world view, and created a bias. You’ve been told they are aphrodisiacs, but they are not. They only have value as a sexual stimulant if you believe that they are valuable sexual stimulants, kind of like crypto.

Plus, if you’ve ever eaten oysters and then wanted to screw the person sitting across from you, that has everything to…