Let’s Pass a Law Barring Men from Driving
Driving isn’t in the constitution, and we must protect life at all costs
Thank God for the recent Supreme Court decision, Dobbs v. Jackson, overturning Roe v. Wade, because now we can finally ban men from driving. Driving isn’t an articulated right in the constitution, and this is a matter of protecting life. According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, men engage in riskier driving behavior, leading to more fatalities. We have to make sure that innocent victims of car crashes aren’t torn limb from limb. What about their rights? Someone needs to stand up for them.
Men are also less likely to wear their seatbelts (kinda slutty if you ask me) demonstrating that they can’t be trusted with their own bodies. The government must therefore step in. I can hear you objecting, but Adeline, won’t this affect men’s ability to work? Won’t this keep them from fully participating in the economy? If they have to stay home? And to that I say, Lookit, nothing is more important than protecting innocent lives, okay?
Equal Protection Clause you say? No worries. Governments can engage disparate treatment between classes of people if there is a rational basis to do so. Here in Los Angeles, a young punk was speeding up the 5 freeway with no seatbelt and crashed. Then his torso was torn…
