We need help. — I don’t think it’s up for debate that we are in the midst of a collective mental breakdown. If there were any lingering doubt, the photos of Will Smith dancing at Oscar parties after he assaulted Chris Rock has removed it. Did Will’s publicist just walk off the job? Probably…

There are a lot — It was a mistake to sell my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a mistake to come back to Los Angeles for a boy. It was a mistake not to swim through a magical underwater tunnel in Kauai, that led to a cylinder-like rock formation with a ceiling to the sky…

This is the life hacks of all life hacks — I hate it when people give unsolicited advice. For instance, yesterday an old friend walked into my house for the first time, and told me to get rid of all my books because they made the place looked cluttered. “You really like books, huh?” she said, staring at a small…

I’m lonely but I’m also not — Wikipedia explains that Schrödinger’s Cat “is a thought experiment that illustrates a paradox of quantum superposition. In the thought experiment, a hypothetical cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead as a result of its fate being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.”…

If he doesn’t text you back, you will die. You can only manage the symptoms. — If you are beginning a relationship, and he doesn’t text you back, you will die. This is also true if you are in a long-term relationship that is crashing in slo-mo. It is a metastatic, fatal condition. There is no cure. You can only manage the symptoms. Here’s what happens…

I went to a funeral, and I couldn’t stop focusing on the mundane — My cousin Sam died on Thursday. On Sunday I flew to Virginia to attend his funeral, because Jews waste no time getting people into the ground. Someone asked me why we do it that way, and I had no idea. I thought that flying to a funeral would somehow make…