Published in Sybarite·PinnedMember-onlyHow to Make Out in a CamaroI walked so you could run. — If you are an American, someday you will go on a date and be asked to make out in a Camaro. You must say yes, because it’s the the law and you love your country. It’s like the draft, but for everybody. No one knows when that day will come…Lifestyle9 min readLifestyle9 min read
PinnedMember-onlyNotes on Our Collective Mental BreakdownWe need help. — I don’t think it’s up for debate that we are in the midst of a collective mental breakdown. If there were any lingering doubt, the photos of Will Smith dancing at Oscar parties after he assaulted Chris Rock has removed it. Did Will’s publicist just walk off the job? Probably…Psychology6 min readPsychology6 min read
Published in Human Parts·PinnedMember-onlyA List of Mistakes, in No Particular OrderThere are a lot — It was a mistake to sell my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a mistake to come back to Los Angeles for a boy. It was a mistake not to swim through a magical underwater tunnel in Kauai, that led to a cylinder-like rock formation with a ceiling to the sky…Psychology5 min readPsychology5 min read
Published in Human Parts·PinnedMember-onlyHow to Become a Bed Creature™This is the life hacks of all life hacks — I hate it when people give unsolicited advice. For instance, yesterday an old friend walked into my house for the first time, and told me to get rid of all my books because they made the place looked cluttered. “You really like books, huh?” she said, staring at a small…Self7 min readSelf7 min read
Published in Human Parts·PinnedMember-onlySchrödinger’s LonelinessI’m lonely but I’m also not — Wikipedia explains that Schrödinger’s Cat “is a thought experiment that illustrates a paradox of quantum superposition. In the thought experiment, a hypothetical cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead as a result of its fate being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.”…Psychology7 min readPsychology7 min read
Published in Sybarite·3 hours agoThe Sybarite Newsletter: the Great Chocolate Debate and the Fruits of FloridaWelcome to the latest Sybarite newsletter! Ever since I stopped numbering them and started to give them little punchy headlines instead I’ve lost count, and have no idea which number this is. Eight? Nine? Does it matter? This newsletter is going to be short and sweet because I have a…Newsletter3 min readNewsletter3 min read
1 day agoMember-onlyCurrent Events with my Jewish GrandmotherWhat, you don’t want to hear what she thinks? — On Trump’s indictment What, you want that I should know why this altekaker thought it would be a good idea to sleep with a porn star and then give her money? The Manhattan DA seems nice. Do you think he’s single? What. I just want you to find a nice man. …Humor2 min readHumor2 min read
Published in Sybarite·5 days agoMember-onlySomeone Must Stand for Milk ChocolateDark chocolate is bad. Stop lying about it. — [I originally wrote about this issue in a piece published in 2019, and forgot about it. Then yesterday, Geo Snelling — who is usually brilliant — commented on the latest Sybarite newsletter, and claimed that the Nestle TollHouse Cookie recipe was not the best cookie recipe AND THEN SUGGESTED A…Food5 min readFood5 min read
5 days agoHappy Second Anniversary to my Dog, Fish.He’s still the wrong dog, but I’m also the wrong human. — March 25, 2023 marks two years since I drove my dog Fish (not his real name) away from the Lancaster Animal Shelter. He shook like a leaf as an employee walked/dragged him out of the clink, but as soon as I opened the car door he jumped in without hesitation…Dogs5 min readDogs5 min read
Published in Sybarite·6 days agoThe Sybarite Newsletter: Charlatans EverywhereIf someone promises you a quick fix for psychic pain, they are lying. — Apologies for the delay in getting this newsletter out, I’ve been busy wanting to die every time this guy waits a day or two to text me. I thought this was both funny and tragic, so about two weeks ago I wrote “Cause of Death: He Didn’t Text Back.” Most…Newsletter8 min readNewsletter8 min read
