I’m lonely but I’m also not — Wikipedia explains that Schrödinger’s Cat “is a thought experiment that illustrates a paradox of quantum superposition. In the thought experiment, a hypothetical cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead as a result of its fate being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.”…

There are a lot — It was a mistake to sell my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a mistake to come back to Los Angeles for a boy. It was a mistake not to swim through a magical underwater tunnel in Kauai, that led to a cylinder-like rock formation with a ceiling to the sky…

My aging parents have hijacked the simple pleasures. — It’s been a rough few weeks, shoved into a rough few years. I know everyone else has experienced the same dumpster fire world for years, and I know that wanting to throw myself off a cliff after two years of taking care of my elderly parents is overly dramatic, privileged…

It’s a win/win for both Mom and the family, but some friends aren’t so sure. — Tomorrow, a Ukrainian refugee family is going to move in with my 82-year-old mother. The story of how we got to this point is long and complicated. There’s a Ukrainian mother, a graphic designer by trade, and her two young children who made it to the Mexican border, and eventually…

Driving isn’t in the constitution, and we must protect life at all costs — Thank God for the recent Supreme Court decision, Dobbs v. Jackson, overturning Roe v. Wade, because now we can finally ban men from driving. Driving isn’t an articulated right in the constitution, and this is a matter of protecting life. According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, men engage…

I survived seven hours of Verizon Wireless Customer Service, but barely, and I will never be the same. — Listen, you don’t have to read this — reading about a customer service debacle is about as interesting as hearing someone’s dream. I just needed to write it in order to process what happened to me this week, and because I told Verizon Customer Service over Twitter that this piece…

I’m weird. — Below is the dating profile I want to write. My dog Fish will not like you. And he sleeps on the bed. This is a non-negotiable. I don’t care if this means you can never sleep over. I don’t actually want you to sleep over, because I don’t want you…

A story of survival — Last year, my endless crush, whom I call Rigatoni, and I finally went on a date. Then we went back to his place for “love and other indoor sports” (where my Judy Blume fans at?) and it was great. Not because the sex was great — it wasn’t — but…

One weird Monday reminded me that a boring life might be the best life. — On Monday, my dog Fish jumped out a second story window. We were hanging out in the studio above my mother’s garage, and apparently he saw a bird that needed murdering, so off he went. Technically, he jumped over a wall and through a Spanish-style arch on the patio outside…