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Adeline Dimond
Adeline Dimond

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Published in Human Parts

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How to Become a Bed Creature™

This is the life hacks of all life hacks — I hate it when people give unsolicited advice. For instance, yesterday an old friend walked into my house for the first time, and told me to get rid of all my books because they made the place looked cluttered. “You really like books, huh?” she said, staring at a small…

Self

7 min read

How to Become a Bed Creature™
How to Become a Bed Creature™

Published in Human Parts

·Pinned

Schrödinger’s Loneliness

I’m lonely but I’m also not — Wikipedia explains that Schrödinger’s Cat “is a thought experiment that illustrates a paradox of quantum superposition. In the thought experiment, a hypothetical cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead as a result of its fate being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.”…

Psychology

7 min read

Schrödinger’s Loneliness
Schrödinger’s Loneliness

Published in Human Parts

·Updated 1 day ago

A List of Mistakes, in No Particular Order

There are a lot — It was a mistake to sell my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a mistake to come back to Los Angeles for a boy. It was a mistake not to swim through a magical underwater tunnel in Kauai, that led to a cylinder-like rock formation with a ceiling to the sky…

Psychology

5 min read

A List of Mistakes, in No Particular Order
A List of Mistakes, in No Particular Order

Published in Human Parts

·Jul 24

The Pain of the L.L. Bean Catalog

My aging parents have hijacked the simple pleasures. — It’s been a rough few weeks, shoved into a rough few years. I know everyone else has experienced the same dumpster fire world for years, and I know that wanting to throw myself off a cliff after two years of taking care of my elderly parents is overly dramatic, privileged…

Aging

9 min read

The Pain of the L.L. Bean Catalog
The Pain of the L.L. Bean Catalog

Jul 17

Allowing Ukrainian Refugees to Move in With Your Mother is the New Rorschach Test

It’s a win/win for both Mom and the family, but some friends aren’t so sure. — Tomorrow, a Ukrainian refugee family is going to move in with my 82-year-old mother. The story of how we got to this point is long and complicated. There’s a Ukrainian mother, a graphic designer by trade, and her two young children who made it to the Mexican border, and eventually…

Ukraine

5 min read

Allowing Ukrainian Refugees to Move in With Your Mother is the New Rorschach Test
Allowing Ukrainian Refugees to Move in With Your Mother is the New Rorschach Test

Jun 25

Let’s Pass a Law Barring Men from Driving

Driving isn’t in the constitution, and we must protect life at all costs — Thank God for the recent Supreme Court decision, Dobbs v. Jackson, overturning Roe v. Wade, because now we can finally ban men from driving. Driving isn’t an articulated right in the constitution, and this is a matter of protecting life. According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, men engage…

Law

3 min read

Let’s Pass a Law Barring Men from Driving
Let’s Pass a Law Barring Men from Driving

Jun 23

To Hell and Back: My Descent into the Inferno of Verizon Wireless Customer Service

I survived seven hours of Verizon Wireless Customer Service, but barely, and I will never be the same. — Listen, you don’t have to read this — reading about a customer service debacle is about as interesting as hearing someone’s dream. I just needed to write it in order to process what happened to me this week, and because I told Verizon Customer Service over Twitter that this piece…

Technology

10 min read

To Hell and Back: My Descent into the Inferno of Verizon Wireless Customer Service
To Hell and Back: My Descent into the Inferno of Verizon Wireless Customer Service

Jun 19

The Dating Profile I Really Want to Write

I’m weird. — Below is the dating profile I want to write. My dog Fish will not like you. And he sleeps on the bed. This is a non-negotiable. I don’t care if this means you can never sleep over. I don’t actually want you to sleep over, because I don’t want you…

Love

4 min read

The Dating Profile I Really Want to Write
The Dating Profile I Really Want to Write

Jun 13

It’s Been 365 Days Since My Endless Crush Ghosted Me, and I am Totally Fine

A story of survival — Last year, my endless crush, whom I call Rigatoni, and I finally went on a date. Then we went back to his place for “love and other indoor sports” (where my Judy Blume fans at?) and it was great. Not because the sex was great — it wasn’t — but…

Mental Health

8 min read

It’s Been 365 Days Since My Endless Crush Ghosted Me, and I am Totally Fine
It’s Been 365 Days Since My Endless Crush Ghosted Me, and I am Totally Fine

May 26

On Gratitude for a Boring Life

One weird Monday reminded me that a boring life might be the best life. — On Monday, my dog Fish jumped out a second story window. We were hanging out in the studio above my mother’s garage, and apparently he saw a bird that needed murdering, so off he went. Technically, he jumped over a wall and through a Spanish-style arch on the patio outside…

Dogs

7 min read

On Gratitude for a Boring Life
On Gratitude for a Boring Life
Adeline Dimond

Adeline Dimond

Federal attorney, writing thought crimes on Medium. To connect: Adeline.Dimond@gmail.com

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