We need help. — I don’t think it’s up for debate that we are in the midst of a collective mental breakdown. If there were any lingering doubt, the photos of Will Smith dancing at Oscar parties after he assaulted Chris Rock has removed it. Did Will’s publicist just walk off the job? Probably…

There are a lot — It was a mistake to sell my apartment in Brooklyn. It was a mistake to come back to Los Angeles for a boy. It was a mistake not to swim through a magical underwater tunnel in Kauai, that led to a cylinder-like rock formation with a ceiling to the sky…

This is the life hacks of all life hacks — I hate it when people give unsolicited advice. For instance, yesterday an old friend walked into my house for the first time, and told me to get rid of all my books because they made the place looked cluttered. “You really like books, huh?” she said, staring at a small…

I’m lonely but I’m also not — Wikipedia explains that Schrödinger’s Cat “is a thought experiment that illustrates a paradox of quantum superposition. In the thought experiment, a hypothetical cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead as a result of its fate being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.”…

Reporting to you with puffy eyes and smoke-filled lungs. — Greetings from the primordial slime of grief and confusion. Dad died on July 31 and the funeral was on August 13. Between those two dates, I spent all my time planning the funeral and doing other stupid shit. I was definitely not writing or editing or publishing. After the funeral…

I’m gonna need a minute. — My dad died. Someday I’ll write about it, the absurdity of death in our modern world, with tubes and drips and machines that we can turn on and off at will, as if we have all morphed into video game characters. Someday I’ll write about how nurses are the best…

Back in the saddle but smoking a lot of cigarettes. Also: sandwiches. — Greetings from my bed — otherwise known as Sybarite HQ. It’s been a long time since I’ve written a newsletter, because life got really messy. Again. My father’s assisted living facility was bought by another company, and apparently they don’t give the level of care he needs, even though the…

Unpacking 303 Creative v. Elenis, in which the justices get into a rhetorical cage match. — Full disclosure: I read 303 Creative v. Elenis because I was going to write a screed about how the media has gotten this case all wrong. A few days ago NPR introduced a story about the case by saying “The Supreme Court made it lawful to discriminate against LGBTQ+ people.”…

She is our only weapon against chaos. — When I took over my parents’ lives, I had to answer every phone call, even if they were from unfamiliar numbers. I’m too tired to explain why. I’ll just assume that everyone understands how calls from banks, doctors, caretakers, pharmacies, and asshole credit card companies work, namely, that their numbers…