Schrödinger’s Loneliness

I’m lonely but I’m also not

Wikipedia explains that Schrödinger’s Cat “is a thought experiment that illustrates a paradox of quantum superposition. In the thought experiment, a hypothetical cat may be considered simultaneously both alive and dead as a result of its fate being linked to a random subatomic event that may or may not occur.”…

Let’s Treat Heartbreak Like the Serious Injury That it Is

A broken heart is an injury of the highest order.

When I lived in New York, I went to a charity bachelor auction and bought a cute doctor. His name was Ed, and he seemed pleasantly surprised when I showed up to the date. I still remember what I was was wearing: a DVF wrap dress, strappy sandals, the best…

The Pleasure and Terror of Domestic Comfort

My home both soothes and scares me.

When I was twenty, I went to see a photography show at the Museum of Modern Art called The Pleasures and Terrors of Domestic Comfort, curated by Peter Galassi. (So yes, I stole his line). The photos have haunted me ever since, which was clearly Galassi’s goal. …

Why Are Celebrities Delusional About Power?

Meghan Markle recently called U.S. senators to encourage them to vote for paid family leave, and this is crazy.

Politico reported earlier this month that Meghan Markle, the Duchess of Sussex, picked up the phone and cold-called Senator Collins and Senator Moore Capito to encourage them to support paid family leave. She introduced herself as “Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex” with apparently no irony or humor, as if the…

Guys, You Gotta Stop Yelling

Calm down.

Listen, I love men. Huge fan. I don’t even believe the patriarchy exists anymore, and if it did it would be sitting in a La-Z-Boy recliner covered in Icy Hot. Women who continually traffic in their so-called victimhood at the hands of men mostly annoy me. …

Congratulations Technology, You Have Broken Me

The robots finally got me.

I started the other day by trying to sign into the California Department of Health’s website to get a QR code to show I had been vaccinated, and ended the day in tears. I won’t torture you with a blow-by-blow account of what happened in between, other than to say…

My Obsession with French Style Has Taught Me a Thing or Two

Face it, ladies: we are never going to be as cool as French women. But we can die trying or maybe invade France later.

I want to look chic every day without looking like I tried. I want to look like I care, but not too much. This is an impossible dream, because I am not a French woman. French women have the look-effortlessly-good-every-day thing down and American women just don’t. …

Is the Human Experience a Mental Disorder?

“Prolonged Grief Disorder” is now in the DSM, but it seems pretty normal to me.

Last month, the Washington Post reported that a new disorder will be making its debut in the latest version of the DSM, the DSM-5-TR. For the uninitiated, “the DSM” is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the go-to guide used by health professionals to diagnose — you guessed…

My Very Own Twitter Mob

It was my first time getting mobbed on Twitter, and it was both addictive and sublime.

A few days ago, a smallish Twitter mob came after me. It was both scary and fun, a feeling that can probably best be described by Kant’s theory of the sublime. If you’ve ever watched a dangerous storm from the safety of your home, you know what Kant was getting…

MAGA Man Chapter 3: The Last Update

Some people crave the end of the Great Divide, some people want to keep it alive at all costs. I just want to be weird in private.

This is the last update about MAGA Man. (Here’s Chapter 1 and Chapter 2). And no, we don’t hate each other, although I’m pretty sure some folks wish we did. I’m sorry to disappoint them, especially the pearl clutcher who told me I gave new life to the old anti-feminist…